My Bro's Wedding Speech

What’s up friends, I just got married this Saturday to my girlfriend and best friend of 10 years (and FUCK NO I did NOT miss UMBowl last weekend)! My older brother who’s also a big Umph fan gave a killer speech at the reception that I thought some of you would appreciate. The wife loves Umph too. We’re flying first class to Hawaii today for 3 weeks for our honeymoon! Might be the best month of my life - started off with UMBowl, then getting married and throwing a kickass wedding, and now about to fly first class all the way to Hawaii for 3 weeks, hitting up every island. Without futher ado, here is the speech:

"Hi everyone. It’s so great to see you all. I’m Kevin’s
older brother Sean. I’m so glad everyone could be
here tonight. It’s been a long 18+ months of a
pandemic and it’s been at least that long since
we’ve been able to have a large gathering with all of
our closest friends and family and it feels so good to
finally be together again. And what a great reason
for us to all finally get together again, in celebration
of Kevin and Jolene.

Kevin asked me about a year ago if I would give a
little toast or speech at his wedding. I spent some
time reflecting on what to say about my little
brother and his wife on their wedding day and I
kept coming back to this thought that it’s about
time that we’re finally here! I mean Kevin and
Jolene have been together for at least ten years and
for a while it seemed as if this day may never come.
In true Kevin fashion he was a little “Half Delayed”,
so to speak, in finally pulling the trigger and popping
the question. But if you know Kevin like I do, you
know he’s not exactly “The Silent Type” and as with
most good things, “All In Time” what was meant to
be came to be and so here we are today.

I want to share a few words of advice for the bride
and groom. As many of you know Kevin is a
musician and guitar player and frequently goes to
rock concerts to see his favorite band Umphrey’s
McGee. Wait most of you have not heard of
Umphrey’s McGee? Shocking. Well it’s fine if you
haven’t, because it’s in the spirit of Umphrey’s
McGee and their music that I offer these words of
advice to the newlyweds.

Kevin and Jolene move forward into this next
“Chapter” with no “Attachments”, no “Divisions”,
no “Red Tape”. Go forth with “Intentions Clear”
and “Never Cease” to appreciate each other and the
love you’re feeling right now tonight. If you’re
having a “Bad Friday”, or any day really, or if you’re
just feeling like “JaJunk”, remember the memories
of today, the feelings and emotions of joy and
happiness and overwhelming love that you’re
experiencing right now and hold them tight. Think
of them as your “Little Gift” and know that together
you’ll always be able to “Make It Right”.

I know this speech has been “Nothing Too Fancy”,
but it’s time now to raise your glasses with me as
we toast the bride and groom.

Kevin and Jolene, with the blessing of a light
“October Rain” this morning, which is a good omen
for your marriage, it is “Onward & Upward” from
this day forth to a lifetime of love and happiness.
Congratulations. I love you guys. CHEERS!"

And here are some obligatory wedding photos, love you all!


Lol congrats dude


congrats man!


jk, congrats!


So how many times when someone says your wife’s name they jump right into Dolly Parton’s classic number Jolene?



99.9% of the time.

But I like this one better


Damn so all it took for @chickenhatguy to post with us was twiddling his thumbs for 10 years to get married . Congrats @chickenhatguy


Only when I’m allowed some free-range time out of the coop


When you’re on your honeymoon and walk in on your wife Full Frontal with a waiter named Ringo getting it on In the Kitchen, remember There’s No Crying in Mexico. Find yourself another girl, Get in the Van and make a little Booth Love. Before you pull out your Uncle Wally and Empty the Tank, Eat her Front Porch while showing off your Nipple Trix.


Not sure if we met or not but definitely talked with some @chickenhatfam at umbowl. Either way congrats bro!


chickenhat is an idea, not an individual


aw beautiful!! Congrats @chickenhatguy and @jolene ! Hope to see you both soon :heartbeat:


Congrats bro! Love you two & the rest of the ck coop

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That’s an awesome speech!! And congrats!

I definietly sprikled in lots of Phish and Biscuits references into the best man speech I gave for my buddy a few years back. Tried to do it in a way that all the normal people in the audience, and his wife would still find it very heartfelt and relatable, but made sure some of the references were on the nose enough that all the heads in the audience were loving every minute of it.

I quoted Jerry Garcia at my brothers wedding since there are a ton of dead heads in our family. It was well received because I am a tremendous public speaker.


and tremendously sexy


Congrats duderino!

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